Forget everything you learned in school. The only equation that matters here is 13 minutes per pound at 325°F for an unstuffed bird. That’s 23 times 13, which equals roughly 299 minutes. That’s five hours, my friend. Five. Hours. You’ll have time to watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy—extended editions—twice.
But wait! If you stuff that bird (which is like trying to cram a sofa into a Smart car), you add 15 to 18 minutes per pound. That’s 345 to 414 minutes. Suddenly, you’re roasting for nearly seven hours. You could run a marathon, shower, and cry in that time. Pro tip: Don’t stuff the turkey. Stuff yourself with wine instead.
But Your Oven Lies to You
Your oven is a liar. It says it’s “electric” and “reliable,” but it has hot spots that will char one wing while the other stays raw. Use a meat thermometer, not your gut feeling. The thigh should hit 175°F, and the breast should reach 165°F — but please don’t temp the bird while it’s still in the oven. You’ll burn your wrist and curse like a sailor.
Here’s a shocking fact: A 23-pound turkey can take longer than eight hours if you roast it at 275°F, which some recipes recommend for “moistness.” That’s a slow-cooked expedition that will test your marriage. Surprising fact: The longest recorded turkey roast was 24 hours for a 50-pound bird in 2026. Don’t be that guy.