So why do people drink decaf? Because they want the ritual without the madness. They want to hold a mug, smell the roast, and feel like an adult, all while preserving their ability to sleep like a log. It’s a small rebellion against a world that says coffee must be a drug.
So the next time you see someone order decaf, don’t judge. Just silently acknowledge their commitment to caffeine-free performance art. And maybe offer them a cookie—they deserve it for missing out on all that glorious, jittery fun.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go chug a regular espresso. My decaf placebo effect is wearing off.
