First, there was James Hinchcliffe, the "Indy 500" driver who almost died in a crash and then decided to learn the cha-cha. His legs were built for speed, not samba, but he danced like a man who cheated death and was not going to lose to a teenager. Then came Jake T. Austin, the kid from "Wizards of Waverly Place," who danced like a confused puppy—all charm, zero technique. And let’s not forget Amber Rose, who showed up looking fabulous and immediately got eliminated. The show is ruthless like that.
But the wild card was Ryan Lochte, the Olympic swimmer who, uh, had a complicated summer in Rio. The audience booed him during his first dance. Yes, booed. A man in sequins doing a waltz, and the crowd was hissing like a pack of angry cats. Yet, by the second week, Ryan’s partner, Cheryl Burke, practically karate-chopped the haters into submission. They made it to fourth place. That’s a more surprising comeback than the 2004 Red Sox.
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Here’s the kicker: Laurie Hernandez didn’t just win because she was a gymnast. She won because she made everyone laugh. In one dance, she did a lift that literally looked like her partner tossed her into the ceiling. The judges gasped, then wept, then gave her a perfect score. Meanwhile, James Hinchcliffe was doing a perfect tango with a prosthetic leg (okay, not really, but his footwork was that sharp). The final three were Laurie, James, and Calvin Johnson Jr., who somehow conquered the rumba despite being built like a refrigerator.
How Many Mirrorball Wins Does Each DWTS Season 31 Pro Have
Calvin’s journey is a masterpiece of absurdity. Picture a 6-foot-5, 240-pound wide receiver who earned the nickname “Megatron” for destroying defenses. Now picture him doing the samba in a pink ruffled shirt. He was so stiff at first that his hips moved like a rusty gate. But by the semifinals, he was using that massive frame to dip his partner, Lindsay Arnold, like a dipsy-doodle magician. The audience screamed. He came in third, which is basically a win when you’re a giant who learned the foxtrot in six weeks.