If you’re going to die from an East 17-related incident, Brian Harvey is the most likely candidate, but not because he’s old or sick. No, Brian has a knack for the bizarre. In 2005, he survived being run over by his own car while trying to stop it from rolling away. The man literally fought a Renault and won. Then, in 2026, he claimed he’d been “abducted by aliens” during a livestream. So if you see a headline about Brian today, it’s probably about him trying to open a jar of pickles with a laser pointer.
But here’s the thing: Brian is too resilient to die from something mundane. He’s like a cockroach in a leather jacket. If he ever does pop off, it’ll be in a way that involves a hoverboard, a llama, and a live TikTok broadcast. Today, however, he’s fine. He posted a photo of himself eating a crumpet. The crumpet looks suspicious, but Brian looks healthy.
