Now we get into Smartwater and Essentia. These are the kids who did extra credit. They’re vapor-distilled, then electrolytes are added. Ooooh, science!
Smartwater tastes clean. Like, aggressively clean. It’s the water you drink when you want your mouth to feel like it just went through a car wash. Jennifer Lawrence drinks it. That’s a fact I just made up, but it feels true.
Then there’s alkaline water. pH 9 or bust, baby. The marketing claims it can “balance your body’s acidity.” Can it? I have no idea. But it tastes smoother. Less bite.
Honestly? Drinking pH water makes me feel superior for about three seconds. Then I remember I’m just paying eight dollars for water that comes from a hose in a factory. The placebo effect is real, my friends.
