Let’s end on a positive note. If you fail, you are in good company. Stars like Ed Sheeran and Adele supposedly failed their first driving test (though I can’t confirm it was Uxbridge). The point is, failing here is a badge of honour. It means you battled Denham and lived to tell the tale.
And if you pass? Congratulations. You’ve conquered the most chaotic driving test this side of the M25. Now you get to drive the A40 at rush hour, where everyone goes 80 mph while texting. Welcome to actual driving. It’s worse than the test.
So, raise a glass to Uxbridge Driving Test Centre. It’s a soul-crushing, hilarious, oddly majestic place where dreams go to parallel park. And if you pass on your first go? You’re not a driver. You’re a wizard. Get yourself to Hogwarts.
