It was glorious, for about three hours. Then we realised we’d brought nothing but a bag of Quavers and a bad attitude. Record crowds hit the beaches from Brighton to Bournemouth, leaving behind a tidal wave of trash that would make a seagull blush.
Let’s be honest: we didn’t just leave footprints in the sand. We left entire civilizations of rubbish. We’re talking abandoned barbecues, half-eaten Gregg’s sausage rolls, and enough single-use vapes to power a small, very sad lighthouse.
What Exactly Did We Leave Behind? (A Horrifying Inventory)
The cleanup crews, who deserve sainthood and a pay rise, have reported a surprising amount of novelty items. Apparently, someone left an inflatable flamingo, a plastic crown from a Christmas cracker, and a single, very confused flip-flop. Not a pair. Just one.
And it gets weirder. A staggering 75% of beach litter is now plastic, according to the Marine Conservation Society. That means the beach you swam in last Tuesday might technically be a petri dish of crisps packets. I’m not saying we’ve invented a new kind of geological era, but if aliens land, they’ll think we worshipped Pringles tubes.
