The usual suspects are back. The A40 is closed near White City, because apparently, the universe decided you don't need to get to Westfield that badly. Then there's the A13, which is experiencing what officials call "essential maintenance," but we all know is just a concrete-cosplay party for heavy machinery.
But the real chaos is in the West End. Oxford Street is partially closed for a "film shoot." Translation: a bunch of people in puffy jackets will stand around holding clipboards while you sit in a taxi watching your Uber fare climb higher than the Shard. You will miss your reservation, and that's a guarantee.
Bridges Are in on the Conspiracy
Bridges love to close on weekends. It’s their favourite hobby. Tower Bridge might lift for a massive boat, which is fun to watch if you’re a seagull, but terrible if you’re a human who needs to get to Shoreditch. Meanwhile, Waterloo Bridge is reduced to one lane for "safety checks," which is code for "three workers eating a sandwich."
Fun fact: London has over 300 bridges, and this weekend, exactly two of them will let you cross without wanting to cry. The rest are basically decorative moats. The city has more blocked arteries than a fast-food addict.
