Now, the checkout is a competitive sport. You have two choices: the self-service machines that hate you, or a human cashier who has seen things you wouldn’t believe. The self-service ones beep passive-aggressively and yell “Unexpected item in bagging area!” even when you haven’t put anything there. I once tried to scan a banana, and it accused me of smuggling a pineapple.
Human cashiers, though? Absolute legends. They’ll chat to you about the weather while scanning your ten-pack of loo roll like it’s a sacred ritual. One woman told me her theory that the store is built on an ancient burial ground because the Wi-Fi only works on Tuesdays between 2pm and 3pm. I believed her.
Asda - 19 Reviews - Grocery - Isle of Dogs - London, United Kingdom
The Car Park of Madness
But the real show is outside. The car park is a marvel of modern engineering—multi-storey, tight, and terrifying. Spaces are designed for a Mini Cooper, but everyone drives a Range Rover the size of a bungalow. You’ll see drivers performing thirty-point turns while screaming “I’M FROM SURREY!” at no one in particular.
There’s also a petrol station that’s cheaper than anywhere in a five-mile radius, so you’ll queue for twenty minutes while a man in a hoodie buys a single bag of Maltesers. And the car wash next door? More like a car moisturiser—it leaves your vehicle damp and resentful.
