If you absolutely must eat out, here’s a pro-tip: look for any restaurant with a Chinese menu. Seriously. Chinese restaurants are often open on New Year’s Day because it isn’t their New Year. Bless them. You can get hot and sour soup while everyone else gnaws on a stale Cracklin’ Oat Bran bar. It’s a cheat code for life.
Also, grocery stores are a gamble. In some states, they’re forced to close by law (looking at you, Massachusetts). In others, they stay open but all the deli counters are closed, leaving you to stare at a sad, pre-packaged Caesar salad. That salad is not your friend. That salad is a reminder of your poor planning.
Ultimately, the “Next Opening Times” for New Year’s Day are a lie we tell ourselves to feel in control. The truth is, you are at the mercy of the quiche-eating employee, the closed sign, and the judgmental cat. So, grab a granola bar, accept your fate, and remember: by January 2nd, everything will be normal again. And you’ll be a little wiser, a little hungrier, and entirely prepared for next year’s weird, wonderful martyrdom.
