After weeks of introspection, I have a solution that will annoy both sides equally. You should mix them 50/50. Yes, I’m serious. Half mayo, half Miracle Whip. The mayo provides the body and the creamsplaining, while the Miracle Whip gives it that “who hit me with a lemon?” zing.
It’s the tuna salad of friendship. You get the comfort of tradition and the thrill of paprika-fueled chaos. Your taste buds won’t know what hit them, but your guests will be too busy licking the bowl to argue. So go forth, brave sandwich-maker. Mix your condiments like a mad scientist—because life is too short to gatekeep tuna salad.
