Here’s a weird twist: there’s no global standard for the drinking age. In Italy, a 16-year-old can legally order a beer with dinner. In Japan, it’s 20. In parts of India, it’s 25 in some states, making Arizona’s proposal look like a copycat move. Funny how no one is complaining about Italy’s 16-year-olds drinking Chianti, but suddenly we’re terrified of a 22-year-old nursing a Coors Light.
But the most surprising fact might be this: studies show that raising the drinking age in the past saved thousands of lives in car crashes. That’s real. No joke. So while my funny bone is aching, the serious bone in the room is nodding slowly. The devil is in the details, though—will it actually stop 22-year-olds from drinking? Or just make them drink more cheap, dangerous booze in a friend’s basement while watching a YouTube tutorial on breathing?
The Unintended Consequences
Let’s talk about the 21-year-old college graduate. They have a degree in “Political Science,” $50,000 in debt, and a job that pays in “exposure.” Now you’re telling them they can’t even have a cheap whiskey to dull the pain? They’ll have to find solace in kombucha and sad acoustic guitar covers. The mental health crisis among those 21-to-24-year-olds would skyrocket from sheer existential boredom.
And what about the bars? They’d have to start carding everyone with a baby face. The bouncer is now a forensic age-detective, squinting at crow’s feet and receding hairlines. “Sorry, sir, you look 30, but your ID says you’re 24. I’ll need a birth certificate and a note from your mom.”
So, will Arizona actually do it? Probably not. It’s likely just a politician floating a balloon to see if anyone pops it with a rusty fork of outrage. But if it does pass, remember: you heard it here first. And if you’re currently 23, I have two pieces of advice: start a diary, and hoard as much cheap wine as your trunk can hold. The drought is coming.
Until then, pass me a sparkling water. I’m 38, so I’m legally allowed to be bored at parties, but I’ll be damned if I can’t complain about it in a loud, obnoxious voice.
