At home, the bed becomes your headquarters. You build a fortress of pillows, discarded socks, and half-empty cups of tea. Your partner or flatmate tiptoes past like you’re a sleeping bear with a virus.
You try to be productive, but your brain goes: “I could fold laundry… or I could watch the same episode of Taskmaster for the fourth time.” Spoiler: you watch the episode. It’s a strategic decision to conserve energy.
The “Am I Dying?” Phase
Around day three, every symptom feels like a sign of imminent doom. Your sniffle becomes, “Is this pneumonia?” Your headache becomes, “Do I have a brain snail?” You Google your symptoms and immediately regret it.
Map shows UK bed bug hotspots with insects poised to invade nation | UK
But then, you remember your mate Dave who had the exact same thing last week. He survived on toast and bad TV. You will too. It’s just the UK Bug—a communal experience we all share, like queueing or complaining about the rain.
