You’ll hear “Mind the gap” so often it becomes your inner monologue. That gap is real—it’s a cavern of lost phones and broken dreams. Step carefully, or you’ll end up like the guy I saw who dropped his sausage roll into it. He stared for a solid ten seconds.
Also, during rush hour, the carriage is like a sardine tin with Wi-Fi. Prepare to become intimately familiar with someone’s armpit. Don’t make eye contact; it’s weird for everyone.
How To Use The London Tube | The Tube
Know Your Lines—Or Get Lost
The Tube map is a beautiful lie. It makes Heathrow look like it’s next to Angel. In reality, you’ll take the Piccadilly Line for 45 minutes, passing through 14 stations that all look identical. Bring a book, or just stare blankly like a local.
The Circle Line is a myth. It’s a line that technically goes in a circle, but half the time it’s cancelled or replaced by buses. Don’t trust it. Stick to the Bakerloo—it’s old, loud, and smells like nostalgia, but it’ll get you there.
