Forget the predictable “dinner and a movie.” That’s for people who are trying to kill an evening. You need a shared experience that creates a micro-memory. Go to a thrift store and each pick out the ugliest outfit for the other to model. Take a class in something you’re both terrible at (pottery? Roller skating?). The awkwardness is the point.
Need the Spark Back in Your Relationships? | Charity Craig
Why? Because when you’re both out of your element, you rely on each other for humor and support. That’s where the real intimacy lives. You stop being “the person who knows my sock drawer” and become “the one who laughed when I fell on the roller rink.” Vulnerability is a secret ingredient to the spark. It’s hard to be bored when you’re trying not to break a pot or break your ankle.
One more thing: prioritize your own spark. Go do that hobby you abandoned. Read a book that has nothing to do with your relationship. The most attractive version of you is the one who is engaged and energized on your own. You can’t bring fire to a party if you’ve forgotten to tend your own flame. (Side comment: Yes, this is permission to be a little selfish. Use it wisely.)
The Final, Unsexy Truth
Sometimes the spark isn’t gone—it’s just buried under a pile of good intentions, tired schedules, and the belief that “this phase will pass.” It won’t pass on its own. You have to actively choose to dig it out. Not with a grand gesture, but with a hundred tiny, intentional choices to be playful, curious, and a little weird.
So tomorrow morning, instead of saying “Morning” like a robot, try this: nudge them and say, “I had a dream you won a llama in a card game. I’m not letting this go until you roleplay the llama’s backstory with me.” Is it silly? Absolutely. But silly is the cousin of sparky. And honestly? You both deserve a little more silly.
