You know it’s getting real when your neighbor, Brenda, starts posting sourdough starter recipes again. Brenda’s starter, “Gerald,” has been dormant in the back of her fridge since 2026. Now Gerald is bubbling like a science experiment, and Brenda is tagging you in “no-knead bread” videos. That’s the first official symptom: carb-comfort prepping.
Meanwhile, my coworker Dave is stocking up on puzzles with 2,000 pieces. Last time, he finished a puzzle of a van Gogh painting and then cried because he had nothing left to live for. Dave is the canary after Kevin, and he’s already tweeting about “collective trauma.” I’m just trying to figure out if I can survive another year of only wearing sweatpants.
Is This Just a Bad Cold for the Internet?
Let’s be honest: the rumors are fuzzy. Some news site with a pop-up ad for “miracle anti-aging gummies” says yes. Meanwhile, the World Health Organization is saying something cautious and boring that I won’t read. So, I turn to the real experts: my group chat. We have one friend, Sarah, who works in a doctor’s office. Her official quote was, “I don’t know, but I bought a new air fryer just in case.”
The comparison that gets me is this: it’s like that moment in a movie where the characters hear a creak in the basement. You know you should go check it, but you also really want to finish your nachos. We are the nation of nacho-eaters, hoping the creak is just the pipes.
