Here’s where I get ironic: Yes, maraschino cherries are real cherries. They started as fruit! But they’ve been so transformed that calling them “real” feels like a lie. It’s like calling a mummy a “real person.” Technically correct, but you wouldn’t invite it to a picnic.
And let’s talk about the taste. A real fresh cherry has a subtle, complex sweetness with a hint of earthiness. A maraschino cherry tastes like pure sugar and a chemical echo of cherry. That’s not a bad thing—it’s just an entirely different entity.
Side note: Ever notice how they never have a pit? That’s because they’re pitted mechanically before the procedure. So you’re eating a hollow, fake-flavored fruit corpse. Delicious!
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What Are Maraschino Cherries?
The “Luxardo” Cherry: The Grown-Up Version
If you want to taste what a maraschino cherry should be, skip the neon jar and buy a jar of Luxardo cherries. These are the original Italian style, preserved in their own syrup and liqueur. They’re dark, sticky, and intensely flavored. No Red #40, no bleach, no existential crisis in a jar.
But let’s be real: most of us aren’t using Luxardo cherries for our Shirley Temples. The bright red, artificially-flavored ones are cheap, shelf-stable, and iconic. They’re the fruit equivalent of a clown wig.
