First, let’s talk about the outfits. Sarah Ferguson will probably wear something floral and a bit whimsical—maybe a coat with giant buttons. Andrew will be in a suit that looks like he just stepped out of a sailing club. Expect lots of smiling, but with that specific royal smile that says, “I’m happy, but also, please don’t ask me about Epstein.”
There will be a vicar, some godparents, and a golden font. But the real entertainment will be watching the body language. Will they hold hands? Will they stand six feet apart? My money is on a chummy arm pat. Classic Fergie move.
Sarah Ferguson + Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor: Sarah Ferguson Ex-Prinz
And let’s not forget the cake. Christenings always have a special cake. Probably fruitcake, because the royals are terrified of change. But Sarah might smuggle in some chocolate éclairs. She’s a rebel like that.
Why You Should Actually Care
I know, I know. “Who cares about a private christening?” You should, because it’s proof that the monarchy, for all its stiff formality, is actually a giant, messy, complicated family. Just like yours! Except your uncle doesn’t have a security detail. Probably.
This event reminds us that family is weird. Ex-spouses share homes. Scandals get glossed over with baby blessings. And two people who once promised forever, then broke it, can still show up to splash holy water on an infant and smile for the cameras. It’s beautiful, chaotic, and deeply, deeply British.
So, set your alarms. Stick on a pot of coffee. We’re about to watch the most fascinating non-royal royal event of the year. And if Sarah & Andrew turn up holding hands, I will personally eat my own hat. (Provided it’s made of scone.)
