The TSA classifies liquids so broadly that it’s comical. Peanut butter is a liquid. So is yogurt, hummus, and anything with a viscosity that suggests “squish.” A slice of cake? You guessed it: a liquid. The cake is a lie, and also a potential explosive hazard. Almond butter? Liquid. Maple syrup? Definitely liquid. Basically, if it can be smeared on a bagel, it’s going in the bin of shame.
And don’t even think about bringing your solid deodorant stick—wait, that’s fine. Solid deodorant is A-OK. But spray deodorant? That’s a liquid. Gel deodorant? Liquid. You see the problem here? The rules rely on vibes, not physics.
Playful Exaggeration: The Ziplock Bag Ballet
Imagine humanity as a species that really struggles with ziplock bags. You’re in line, sweating, trying to slide a leaky travel bottle into a bag that’s suddenly shrunk to the size of a postage stamp. Meanwhile, a family of eight behind you is reenacting a scene from Ocean’s Eleven, trying to smuggle six bags of gummy bears. It’s chaos. It’s beautiful. It’s the most honest version of global travel we’ve ever seen.
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Carry On Luggage Liquids American Airlines at Richard Jett blog
Here’s a pro tip: use the airport’s free water bottles—oh wait, you can’t bring an empty bottle through security unless it’s completely dry. And it’s never dry. There’s always a single, defiant drop of water clinging to the bottom, condemning you. You toss it. You buy a $7 bottle of water past security, which is probably tap water from a stale fountain.
