Imagine a game of bumper cars, but everyone is secretly furious and nobody is having fun. That’s what happened. We’re talking about a festival of fender benders involving a lorry, three cars, and what witnesses described as a “confused seagull.” The bird is fine, by the way—it just gave the traffic warden a very dirty look before flying off.
Seriously, the pile-up caused FOURTEEN MILES of stationary traffic. To put that in perspective, that’s longer than the average hunger strike at an all-you-can-eat buffet. National Highways is calling it a “major incident,” which is their polite way of saying “don’t even think about trying to get to Tesco before the rotisserie chicken runs out.”
What Actually Happened?
The crash happened around 7:45 AM, right when everyone was rushing to work to stare at spreadsheets and wonder where their life went. A lorry carrying a load of marmalade (I wish I was joking) jackknifed after the driver swerved to avoid a rogue traffic cone. The cone was allegedly doing a wheelie. This caused a chain reaction of braking, squealing, and—if you listen closely—the sound of a thousand thermoses of coffee spilling onto upholstery.
Three cars got squished. Not like a bug, but more like a very expensive accordion. The good news? No one was seriously injured. The bad news? The marmalade exploded. For the next three hours, the M25 smelled like a British breakfast in a washing machine. Police are currently “speaking to the driver,” which is code for “they bought him a cuppa and told him his delivery is now toast.”
